The Ten-Things Podcast

The Thing He Desires Most From You Is Respect-

The thing he desires most from you is respect -
Respect is the fuel that drives his engine. He wants to be respected by his peers and people in general, but respect from you is most important.
A man desires respect the same way women desire love
This is so vitally important to men because this is how God created men!
This is why men are so often driven to succeed. (Money, success in business, knowledge/education, sports, winning at video games) All of these are a means to gain respect.
He will gravitate toward the things that he believes give him the best chance of gaining more respect.
(This is why so many young men gravitate toward participating in gangs. They see it as the best way to gain respect. )
He will tend to believe that winning is the best way to gain respect. If he feels that he is winning with you, he will gravitate toward you and try to win more.
If he feels like he isn't winning with you and comes to believe that he can't win with you, he will turn his attention toward something else...and perhaps, toward someone else.
ONE FINAL THING: It's important for a woman to know that she is not the deciding factor in his happiness! Every man is accountable before God for his own attitudes, motives & actions. If he says, "Look what you made me do!" he is running from that accountability and not owning his own stuff. 
We will be sharing a Bonus Episode after Episode 10 that deals with what to do when things go wrong- How to deal with an angry/abusive relationship! You don't want to miss that Bonus Episode.

She Wants Tp Be Your Partner In Life

Contact David with your questions and/or comments
davidhiggtx@gmail.com
 
She wants to be your partner in life
Women want to be involved in the details of your life.
They want to be participants in leading your family and not just window dressing or a functionary.
Partnership implies joint leadership, ownership, and responsibility
Partners make decisions together regarding holidays, finances, parenting, family involvement, Etc.
She’s not your maid, cook, or children’s nanny.
You both live there…you both need to take responsibility for taking care of it.
Split duties are fine, but shared work responsibility is necessary.
You have to find a way for very different people to share the same space and navigate the relational fallout that can occur.
Finding a way to work together, so that a partnership can develop, is critical for developing a long-term successful relationship!
A partnership is two different people pulling together to make things work.
Having emotional feelings of “Love” for the other person is not enough, it takes working together in a partnership for longterm success in your relationship. 

Little Things Go A Long Way!

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The little things go a long way- Developing an attitude of Servanthood
Purposefully embracing the role of a servant toward her needs to be a regular attitude.
Expressions of thoughtfulness (little unexpected gifts)
The unexpected gift, text, letter, email, or other communication makes her feel special.
The unexpected acts of service- helping with housework, taking kids for the afternoon, ETC.
The unexpected says you were thinking about her and took time to do something special.
Don’t look for a parade because you pitch in and help her…that should be your normal activity.

What’s Inside Matters Most

For any questions or comments contact David at:
davidhiggtx@gmail.com
 
Women are going to think your most important qualities
are your heart and character.
There are some men a woman may be willing to date, but not willing to marry.
When looking for a long-term relationship most women are looking for a “good man”, not a “perfect man.”
How you treat other people matters!
How you treat & interact with her family & your family matters.
How you treat and interact with her friends and your friends matters.
The direction you are headed in life matters.
How you think about and talk about your future matters.
How do you react when things don’t go your way?
How do you react in public when things go wrong?
She will be asking, “Is this the kind of person I can build a life with?”
She is looking to see if she can trust you.
She wants to know how compatible the two of you are.
The most important issue is who you are in your core being

She Needs To Hear This Regularly

Have Questions? Contact David at davidhiggtx@gmail.com
 
            She needs to regularly hear that you love her
and are there for her!
Don’t think that she knows she is loved because you’ve told her in the past.
She longs to be cherished & valued!
Knowing and hearing that she is loved and cherished feeds her soul.
Men need to be supportive, despite any inconveniences to me.
Men, communicating your love and appreciation for your woman is investing in her emotional well-being and your relationship.
It is easy, after a while, to take each other for granted. Purpose to not do that!
You must pay attention to your relationship: giving it time, energy, and focus.
Be that guy that she wants to brag to her friends about!

Sometimes She Just Needs To Vent

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Sometimes she needs to vent and is not looking for you to fix things
Venting can be a means of releasing emotion and/or frustration.
Sometimes she might need to "get it out" and be heard, “I just want you to listen, not do anything.” (This can be so hard for a man to do because men are often hardwired to fix things)
Sometimes it is about her own feelings and other times it might be about her friend’s situation or her feelings about someone else’s life. ( See episode 4)
Often times men get that “deer-in-the-headlights” look and simply do not know how to respond to the venting of emotion.
Men can also automatically take her venting personally; “What did I do?”
When she is venting, she is not looking for a solution to a problem. The solution search will come later.

Women Tend To Be More Emotional Than Men, And That’s Not A Bad Thing!

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Women tend to be more in tune with their emotions than men…and that’s not bad.
Women tend to think with their emotions and men tend to think with their logic.
When she is acting in an emotional way, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or even her world. She may just be emoting about something entirely apart from her relationship with you. Or…it might be about you. :>)
(Difference between feelings and emotions) during our discussion, we think feelings and emotions are like 2 sides of the same coin: like heads & tails. Feelings are internal and emotions are how we express our feelings.
A man needs to be aware of the changing nature of his woman’s emotions and not take every expression as a reflection on him.

Her Nurturing Tendency Is A Good Thing

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Her being nurturing is not a bad thing (caring for those she loves)
She is not saying you are weak when she is nurturing toward you. She is simply acting out of the overflow of her heart. It is innately within her to nurture and care for the ones she loves.
When she expresses concern for you, she is showing her love & care for you, not being critical.
Mom vs Dad approach to parenting. (Nurture differently)
She probably has a deeper well for nurturing than you do.
It’s important for her to have “Girl Time” with friends. She needs the environment of friends for her emotional well-being.
She will express her nurturing actions in different ways to different people.

She Has Different Strengths Than You

Contact David with your comments and questions at:
davidhiggtx@gmail.com
 
Women tend to have different strengths than men…and that can be
complimentary or cause conflict.
Have babies- more to it than giving birth
Women tend to focus more on the family and home than men do and that is a good thing. Support and encourage that.
She may handle money and/or money management better than you. This is a great asset and is not a threat, but a compliment.
“What can I do today that will help you out?”
Both partners need to have the attitude that our individual strengths are here to support one another.
If both partners feel encouraged, supported, and accepted, then the relationship has a better opportunity to flourish and provide a healthy environment for the family.
These different strengths are intended to complement one another in marriage, not create conflict.

You Will Tend To Communicate Differently-

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You will tend to communicate completely differently-
Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus (check out this book. It will give you some fascinating insight into the general differences that exist in the way men and women communicate)
Enjoy the ride vs landing the plane (different communication styles)
Invest the time to learn how to communicate with your partner and learn how to honor them in that.
It’s important to NOT see your partner’s communication style as wrong and yours as right.
Remember: You are NOT the standard that determines balance!